Clamo, Clamatis, Omnes Clamamus Pro Glace Lactis
by redfox13
Summary: I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream. Harry's slipped a potion that has him spurting out Latin, though none of it makes much sense.


Disclaimer: Alas, nothing is mine but the crazed plot. JK Rowling, whoo hoo! It belongs to her!

Author: Welcome to the madness, this is gonna be very random, just warning u. Oh, and in case u didn't get it from the summary, the title translates to: **I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream**. No reason, I just thought it sounded cool.

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It was a beautiful Saturday morning at Hogwarts, and everyone was milling about as trips to Hogsmeade were prepared. One such Gryffindor was excited about the day; he had already made his plans a week in advanced and nothing was going to ruin them.

_I'm going to go with Hermione and Ron to breakfast and then meet Draco outside._ Harry thought as he hurried down the stairs two at a time. It would have helped if he had woken up earlier, but alas, not everything could go as planned.

A small Ravenclaw girl cried out in surprise and dropped her bag as Harry leaped off the staircase as it came to a halt.

"Sorry!" He called over his shoulder and kept running.

He pushed past several people and finally broke through the Great Hall. He slowed down to a trot and panted lightly as he came to a stop beside his two friends.

"Morning Harry." Hermione greeted.

"Morning." He sat down heavily and snagged a piece of toast. "Why didn't you wake me up?" He jabbed Ron in the side.

"Ow! Sorry mate." The redhead apologized. "Hermione here wanted to leave early though and I didn't have time."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Right." He snorted. "You two just went down early so you could snog in private."

Ron flushed and Hermione pursed her lips in a disapproving manner.

Harry ignored her and buttered his toast. Suddenly down the table a goblet exploded, showering the surrounding students with juice. Everyone turned toward the noise curiously.

Which is why no one noticed Peeves hovering discretely over Harry and pouring something in his own goblet.

With a cackle he disappeared again and Harry turned with a frown. "Did you hear that?" He asked.

"What?" Ron turned back toward his food.

"I thought I heard something…" Harry glanced around.

"We _are_ in the Great Hall Harry, there are other students having conversations." She shook her head. "It's terrible what happened to those poor Gryffindors, someone's bound to get in trouble for causing pranks this early."

Harry nodded and took a swig of pumpkin juice. He choked and nearly spit out the bitter liquid but forced himself to swallow.

"Eck." He shook his head, setting aside the goblet.

"What happened?" Hermione asked in concern.

"Nothing." Harry waved away her concern. "My juice just tasted funny."

"Hm, mine tasted fine." She murmured, sipping at her own to prove it.

Harry shrugged. "It doesn't matter, I'm about done anyway."

He leaned back and stretched as Hermione and Ron finished their breakfast.

_I wonder where Draco is._ He mused as he searched for the platinum hair. It seemed the Slytherin wasn't up yet. _He'd better come today._

He continued to look about the room when suddenly a sort of blanket fell over his brain, or at least that's what it felt like. His head felt full, muffled. He shook his head and frowned.

_So…strange.__ I feel…happy?_

Harry sighed and stared across the hall with a dazed sort of look as his chin rested in his hands. "I've been thinking." He suddenly murmured, scrunching his face in thought as his friends turned toward him in question. "And I think organum virile durum sounds very funny."

Hermione beside him choked on her pumpkin juice as Ron looked at him quizzically.

"What's that mean?" He frowned as he bit into a speared piece of egg.

The bushy haired witch coughed loudly at his question, drawing several pairs of eyes onto them.

"Are you alright Hermione?" Ron asked in concern.

"Yes." She wheezed, rounding on Harry. "Why would you be thinking about _that_?" She asked sharply.

"What does it mean?" Ron asked again.

Hermione blushed deeply. "It's um...it means an erect penis." She muttered under her breath in embarrassment.

Ron's eyes widened. "Oi! I didn't need that mental image this early!" He cried.

"Neither did I." Hermione shook her head. "Are you feeling alright Harry?"

"Never better, I have to go find Draco now, buh-bye!" He chirped happily.

Before his friends could stop him he had jumped from his seat and began skipping toward the doors and into the corridor beyond. At that moment someone was trying to get in and he ran straight into a firm chest.

"Watch where you're going you – " A stern voice began. "Oh, Harry, what are you doing here?"

Harry glanced up once he had regained his footing. "Draco!" He cried happily, throwing his arms about the blonde's neck and kissing him soundly.

Draco frowned in confusion. "Not that I'm not happy to see you too, but are you feeling alright?" He made to check the boy's temperature.

Harry hit away his hand and crossed his arms. "I'm fine!"

"Oh good, you caught him." Hermione sighed in relief as they came beside Harry.

"Oi, what are _you_ doing here Malfoy?" Ron demanded. "You better not have tried to take advantage of Harry while he's like this."

"Like what?" Draco frowned.

Hermione whispered behind her hand. "He's been feeling a bit off since breakfast."

"Have you taken him to Pomfrey?" The Slytherin suggested.

Harry sniffed. "Futue te et ipsum caballum." He retorted. "I'm fine!"

"Are you sure he's alright?" Draco asked the two Gryffindors.

Hermione sighed heavily as she shook her head, she couldn't believe she was actually standing there, having a conversation with Draco Malfoy of all people.

"He's been acting odd all morning." She replied again.

"So what did he say?" Ron asked, ignoring Draco.

"Fuck you and the horse you rode in on." She replied stiffly.

"Hey, that's not nice!" The redhead protested.

"She wasn't talking to _you_ Weasley, honestly. That's what Golden Boy over here said." He gestured toward Harry.

Ron flushed. "Oh." He blinked. "Well why the hell would he say _that_?"

"How should I know?" Draco shrugged. "Granger admitted he was acting off."

"Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris." Harry pointed his finger at Draco childishly.

"_What_?"

"He said – " Hermione began.

"I know what he said." Draco interrupted snappishly.

"_I_ don't know what he said." Ron perked up, looking toward Hermione.

She turned happily toward the redhead, glad that someone appreciated her vast knowledge.

"He said, 'If Caesar were alive, you'd be chained to an oar.'" She quoted.

"Who the hell is Caesar?" Ron frowned.

"That's what I want to know!" Draco agreed.

Hermione sighed. "You two have no appreciation for history; he was a great muggle who ruled Rome."

"Hey wait, wasn't he the one who offended that Seer?" Ron turned toward Draco.

He nodded slowly. "And then she cast Imperious and forced his followers to murder him. But why the hell would I be chained to an oar?"

"That's what they did to criminals or people who offended him." Hermione explained.

Draco shrugged. "Oh well, I suppose it's not as bad as You-Know-Who." He shivered. "I would take an oar to his Cruciatus any day."

"I agree with you mate." Ron shuddered. "Hey, what _is_ an oar anyway?"

"Oh!" Hermione threw her hands up angrily and stormed away.

"What's with her?" Draco asked.

Ron shook his head. "She kind of temperamental when it comes to learning."

Harry snorted. "Women have fickle temperaments." He replied lazily.

"I'm surprised you didn't say that in Latin." Draco scoffed.

"Varium et semper mutabile femina." Harry stuck his tongue out.

Ron finally realized where he was and blinked comically. "Why the hell am I standing alone with Draco Malfoy?" He asked aloud, face paling.

"I'm here too." Harry chirped happily.

"I um…have to go." Ron said hurriedly, rushing off in the direction of his girlfriend.

"Feles mala! Cur cista non uteris? Stramentum novum in ea posui!" Harry screamed after him.

"Translation." Draco murmured. "If you're going to be speaking in Latin from now on, I want you to translate." He demanded.

"Fine." He angrily rounded on Draco and pointed his finger at in his face. "Bad kitty! Why don't you use the cat box? I put new litter in it!"

The blonde shook his head looked toward the ceiling. "Why are you punishing me Merlin? I didn't become a Death Eater, why am I stuck with _him_?" He looked back towards Harry who was smiling.

"Because I love you Draco!" He replied happily.

"Lucky me." Draco replied dryly.

"Te odeo, interfice te cochleare." Harry looked away haughtily.

"What! You _hate_ me? You just said you loved me!" Draco screeched. "And you want me to kill myself?" He demanded. "With a _spoon_! Harry, you _really_ need to get a hold of yourself."

"_You're_ the one who keeps insulting _me_!" Harry yelled in return.

"I have not!" Draco screamed in return. "It's all in your head!"

_He is right you know._ The little voice inside Harry's head murmured. _You've been assuming a lot of things today._

"Shut up." Harry snapped. "You're wrong, both of you."

Draco remained staring at the obviously crazed boy. "Harry?" He tried hesitantly.

Tears burned the emerald eyes. "What, are you going to call me childish and immature? And that you never want to see me again?" He sniffed.

"_No_." Draco said slowly.

"Then what?" Harry frowned.

The Slytherin sighed and motioned Harry closer. "Come here."

Harry slipped closer, wiping his tears with the sleeve of his robes. When he got close enough Draco pulled him into a hug and kissed the top of his head.

"You've been having a rough day haven't you?" He murmured soothingly as he brushed through the tousled locks calmly.

"Y-yes." Harry sniffed as he buried his face into Draco's chest. "Everyone's been being mean to me."

"Shh, I'm sure they didn't mean to." He chided. "Now come, I think I know someone who can help you feel better."

Harry lifted his head with a curious air. "Who?"

"I'll tell you when we get there, for now just let me guide you."

There was a pleased sigh. "Okay."

The slowly made their way into the dungeons, luckily there were few students about since everyone was at Hogsmeade.

"Confacimus navegemus." The tousled headed boy suddenly murmured.

"What?" Draco frowned.

Harry sighed. "Fuck it – let's go sailing." He repeated. "I don't want to go find help anymore, it's boring."

"Sailing?" The blonde repeated incredulously. "I don't think so, maybe after we've cured you."

"Why, what's wrong with me?" Harry asked.

"Well, nothing exactly, you've just been – "

"Draco!" A happy voice cried from down the hall.

Draco glanced toward the girl coming toward them and groaned. Harry never did like the Slytherin witch.

"Pansy." He nodded, pulling Harry to the side.

She smiled and gave him a hug which he returned a little more hesitantly. After all, he had a crazed Gryffindor on his hands, no telling how he would react.

Tears erupted and Harry threw his hands toward the ceiling. "Impudens es leno!" He wailed.

"I am not a shameless pimp! Pansy is my friend!" Draco retorted, trying to calm him down.

The girl frowned. "What's wrong with Potter?"

"I don't know, I'm trying to figure that out, I'm taking him to Snape." He muttered under his breath so Harry wouldn't hear.

"Oh, well good luck then, I have to go find Blaise." She said before kissing the blonde on the cheek.

"Moecha Putida!" Harry screeched, trying to lunge at the hurriedly retreating figure.

"Don't call my friends dirty sluts Harry." Draco warned as he pulled the Gryffindor down the hall once more. "Or else I'll go back to calling Granger Mudblood."

"You wouldn't dare!" Harry cried, eyes widening.

"Then keep your mouth shut about _my_ friends. " He retorted.

Harry huffed and began to pout as he was dragged along.

"Are we there yet?" He finally sighed.

"No."

"Why?" Harry stared at the ceiling as he continued to walk.

"Because we just aren't."

"Why?"

"Potter." Draco growled in warning.

He sighed again. "_Fine_. I just won't talk to you again."

"Good." The blonde snorted.

Harry scowled and looked toward his boyfriend. "You're not very nice."

"Well neither are you." He retorted.

"Yes I am."

"_No_ you're not."

"Yes I am!"

"Nope." Draco shook his head. "You're not, and I'm not about to get in an argument about it."

"Fine then!" Harry said again childishly.

Draco sighed in relief. "We're here." He pointed toward the closed door.

"In the dungeons?" Harry wailed. "I don't want to come down here, it's dirty, and cold, and smelly." He whined.

"You're starting to sound like a girl Harry." Draco pointed out.

"Well you're being _mean_!"

Draco ignored him and pushed them forward, he knocked once before pushing the door open.

"Severus there's something wrong with Harry." Draco said as he entered the Potions classroom.

"Potter?" Snape frowned, glancing up from his desk momentarily.

Draco nodded as he slipped Harry into an empty chair. "He's been having mood swings all day and has been spouting Latin."

The boy in question suddenly rose and moved to Draco's side, eyes wide as they brushed over the blonde's glistening hair.

"Quid agis faces tuas comas sic facere?" Harry asked in awe as he ran curious fingers through Draco's hair.

"You see!" Draco pointed, unsuccessfully trying to escape the questioning hands.

Snape nodded. "I see. Hm, how _do_ you get your hair to do that, I'm curious as well."

"Do what?"

"It shines so brightly even though there's no sunlight." Harry murmured, still petting Draco's head.

Draco looked at both wizards incredulously, he understood Harry asking the question, but _Snape_?

"It's a spell!" He finally cried. "Now will you _please_ find a way to cure him?" He pointed desperately at the Gryffindor.

"Yes, yes Draco, no need to shout." Snape stood and strode toward Harry. "Now what seems to be the problem?" He asked, looking deeply into the glazed eyes.

"I already told you." Draco rolled his eyes. "Mood swings and Latin."

Snape scowled, he had better things to do then cure Gryffindors, Potter especially. "Are you sure he's not pregnant?"

"No!"

Snape raised a dark brow but otherwise remained silent as he walked toward his cabinets filled with ingredients.

"It is obvious that someone slipped something into his drink this morning." Severus replied conversationally.

"How do you know?" Draco swatted at Harry's hands.

There was a smirk. "Because I witnessed it happening." He replied.

"What!" Draco demanded, even Harry looked toward the dark man.

"Peeves." He replied shortly. "Probably thought it would be a hilarious joke. I'll be speaking to the Barron, I don't like wasting my time like this." He muttered.

He finally pulled out a tiny vial filled with a deep purple potion. "If this doesn't help then I'm not sure what will." He murmured.

"He'll drink it." Draco spoke up for his boyfriend.

"Hey." Harry protested. "What if it doesn't taste good?"

"It doesn't matter." The blonde retorted.

"Potter, drink this." Snape drawled as he pushed the potion into the Gryffindor's hands.

Harry grinned and toasted the two. "Ad nauseam."

"To sickness, indeed." Draco rolled his eyes. "Just drink the damn thing."

"It looks a bit thick." Harry said, holding up the vial towards the light. "Hocine bibo aut in eum digitos insero?"

"You drink it, you _don't_ stick your fingers in it." Severus snapped.

"And hurry it up." Draco urged.

With a roll of his eyes Harry downed the potion and gagged. "Yuck!" He stuck his tongue out as he held out the vial to be taken back.

"How do you feel?" Snape asked smoothly.

"Fine." Harry shrugged, he poked his chest. "The same as always.

"And you're sure he's cured?" Draco asked doubtfully.

"He will be fine in a few days." Snape waved his hand. "Now go, you've been in my presence long enough."

"Come on Draco, let's go to Hogsmeade!" Harry said happily, dragging his boyfriend out of the room.

"Do we have to?"

"You promised!" Harry retorted. "And I want ice cream."

"How about we just go get some butterbeers?" Draco suggested.

Harry's eyes lit up excitedly. "Te precor duncissime supplex!" He bounced beside the Slytherin.

Draco silently cried. _These are going to be the longest few days ever._

He allowed the perky Gryffindor to drag him to Hogsmeade where they had their butterbeer, and Harry talked him into buying him his ice cream too.

Everyone was glad and lived happily ever after.

(except Snape, because of the interruption by the boys he never finished grading his potions essays and had to stay up late in order to finish them)

The End!

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Author: The craziness, sorry if I lost anyone. But I had fun!

-Red

* * *

virile durum.: an erect penis.

futue te et ipsum caballum.: fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.: if Caesar were alive, you'd be chained to an oar.

varium et semper mutabile femina.: women have fickle temperaments.

feles mala! cur cista non uteris? stramentum novum in ea posui!: bad kitty! why don't you use the cat box? i put new litter in it!

te odeo, interfice te cochleare.: i hate you. Kill yourself with a spoon.

confacimus navegemus.: fuck it – let's go sailing.

impudens es leno.: you shameless pimp.

moecha putida: dirty slut.

quid agis faces tuas comas sic facere?: how do you get your hair to do that?

ad nauseam.: to sickness.

hocine bibo aut in eum digitos insero?: do I drink this or stick my fingers in it?

te precor duncissime supplex!: pretty please with cherry on top!


End file.
